Trying to get my groove back

It was nice to meditate Monday night and to go to that great meeting Thursday night, but I also had to organize the Thursday night meeting, I had to work Tuesday and Wednesday nights, and I still have a bunch of freelance and volunteer work to do.

So after two days of no television -- just sleep, rest, play and cooking with my son -- let the screens come out. I tried to attend to some business on the computer and I let him do some watching. Yesterday I couldn't even take him to an errand, he was so whiny about the cold. I had to put him on my back in the Ergo while I finished up work for the meeting and then do my errand while the sitter was here. It was actually nice to be alone in the car. But he was a real tough one to be around when I got back.

He wanted me. I couldn't give me. It was a struggle.

I really hope he will turn a corner at four. I can't imagine how we'd deal with a baby in this mix if I were 7 months ahead of myself gestationally. As it is, he keeps wanting to put his hand up my shirt -- on my back, on my expanding belly -- and on my face if I'm holding him. He kept licking me when he was in the Ergo.

Part of me feels like he needed a sibling long ago. The other part wonders if he -- and I -- will ever be ready.